assistant

Fun fact: I will never turn down an offer to be on the receiving end of a financial transaction. But that’s the only thing I’m willing to be on the receiving end of so please don’t get confused.

freelance gyno 1 freelance gyno 2

Excellent.

marry fuck kill

This is deep.

do battle

Trust me, he’s not worth it.

nicely hungOh, ok.

 

IMG_9247

Pretty sure I can do all of that without you if you know what I mean.

Screen Shot 2015-02-06 at 5.49.35 PM

Found this in the “Other” inbox in my Facebook messages. I haven’t gotten any less single since he sent it a year and a half ago so maybe I should go for it.

booty booty

Stop.

LSD

These are two very different questions.

Silence

Hi from my sickbed.

After arriving at my office early this morning, my co-workers told me to leave immediately. They claimed I looked like I was either hungover, half dead, or both. Truth is, these days, I don’t have enough “fun” to be hungover anymore.

So here I lay ill. And for the first time in months, I’ve actually had time to think about things other than my job or networking or being funny or being adept in social situations (i.e. not drooling on my own shirt when I’m feeling relaxed in public places).

You may wonder what I’m thinking about. You may not. But either way, I’m going to tell you.

All I can think about is dating and the disappointments that come with it.

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