Screen Shot 2015-07-05 at 10.31.15 AMI must say, no one has ever told me that. And I hope no one will ever tell me that again.

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Pop some molly, go on Ok Cupid. It’s a slam dunk night for this guy.

IMG_0206

If any New Yorkers are interested, I’m happy to put you in touch. Make sure you know they don’t like to “work” hard, “haha”.

fat chicks

I do not like this.

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YOU ARE MY DAD’S AGE, SIR.

2015-06-06 11.58.50

Just a casual continuation of last week’s post. Rated PG for Parental Guidance because I absolutely need my mom to coddle me after this message.

2015-06-02 20.05.19

No. I actually don’t like anyone in my bed to be honest.

oral reciprocation

Really?

smile every day

 

I’m not sure if that’s such a great idea. I don’t smile that much.

scoliosis

I actually wore a scoliosis brace in my adolescence. Please don’t make me break it back out of the closet at my parents’ house. I don’t think I can live with that shame again.

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