What I’ve realized in my online search for love is one thing: many, many men over the age of 30 are doing the same. The majority of them are at least ten years older than me. This age gap is just too big for me, as I was a newborn when these men started learning their times tables. Plus, isn’t everyone looking for marriage after the age of 30? And if not marriage, do these dudes want to make a sugar baby out of me? Because I have very expensive taste and if they aren’t springing for a profile on JDate or Match.com, they probably won’t be able to purchase a live-in pastry chef for me.

Below are some unlucky men who reached out to me only to be ignored. In some cases, you can probably see why. And let me note that this is all within the past week. You can only imagine how many of these dudes I’ve seen since this little experiment started in August.

That last one is my favorite. I may have to seduce him just to see where it takes me. Hopefully it won’t be a body bag.