Something I’ve come across in the thousands of Ok Cupid and Tinder messages I’ve received since the beginning of this experiment is that the majority of men in this world are so utterly, terribly boring. And identical. I don’t mean this by their photos or tag lines. However, those are often the same as well. “Shiver me Tinders,” anyone?

What bothers me most about these dudes is that they ask me the same thing almost every time I receive a message. First of all, let me start by saying that it is far too late to ask how my new year is going. It’s February. I believe it is only ok to wish someone a happy new year or ask for new years updates in the first week of January. After that you’re simply uncreative.

Secondly, stop asking me how it’s going. It’s clearly not going well since I have accounts on two different dating sites. A sampling to prove the monotony of my inbox:

hows it going 1 hows it going 2 hows it going 3 hows it going 4 hows it going 5

These messages bring me to this harrowing question: What opening line actually gets my attention on these sites/apps? I had to think long and hard about this and have come to two conclusions.

1) If you acknowledge one of my interests and ask me about them, I’m far more likely to answer you because I know you didn’t copy and paste this message to every other female you’ve come across.

and more embarrassingly…

2) If I find you attractive enough to ignore your boring online flirtations. I hate that you’re boring but I just can’t ignore a pretty face.

It’s very difficult to get a female’s attention online. As someone who “replies very selectively” on Ok Cupid (yes, really…there is a little orange dot next to my screen name to tell men that I probably will not respond to them), I can tell you that it is not entirely my pickiness that leads me to ignoring so many online suitors. Tons and tons of guys are so incredibly dull. Think of it this way: if you go up to a girl in person and ask how it’s going, they’ll probably something like “well” (if they have good grammar) or “good” (if they don’t).  Then what happens? Not a whole lot. You killed the conversation with your opening line. No one wants to talk about how it’s going because everyone’s answer is always the same, barring grammar differences. It’s going ok on the outside but we are all dying on the inside because we are having this boring conversation with you.

In conclusion, to all the gents out there who want to get past the “replies very selectively” barrier: say something more unique next time and you may get a reply. Or be a John Stamos lookalike. Either way, I think your results will improve. And if not, you’re probably still being boring. Yawn.

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