I don’t know if I’m feeling heated right now because of the poor reception of an op-ed piece I co-wrote in my Alma Mater’s newspaper today (one which I still stand behind, and wish people would take a closer look at to see its true meaning) or if it’s because I am just an angry person on the inside, but I am seriously annoyed with a message I received in my inbox this morning.
Of course, I realize this dude probably sends an identical message to every girl he comes across on Ok Cupid. However, I’m mad about it. I’m done with this kind of treatment.
A lot of good things have come out of my experimenting with online dating. I’ve met a few new people (though I only still talk to one of them…) and I’ve learned how to go on a date, which is important if I don’t want to die alone. I’m happy and proud of myself for going out of my comfort zone and becoming comfortable with dating, as it was something that alluded me for most of my young life.
I am also a person who is proud of my other accomplishments. In just 23 years I’ve earned a degree from an Ivy League institution, created a long-standing web series, written a ton, and given some pretty great birthday cards and gifts. I’m kind and passionate and loyal. I stand by my word because it’s all I truly own in this world. All of these things are aspects of my personality that I have grown to love. So when a stranger trivializes me by saying I’m attractive and therefore worthy, I get very angry.
This is not the first time I’ve gotten this type of message. I completely understand that online dating is about looks first and foremost, as that’s the most intimate detail about me that anyone can see from a mere profile. I am also guilty of judging by appearance. Everyone is. However, to go ahead and tell me that I’m worthy of a relationship to you because I am attractive is what I take issue with. It is incredibly disappointing to see that men (and probably women as well, though I have no hard evidence of this) tell someone their worth is based on a few flattering photographs.
I understand that this guy ended his message by saying he wanted to get to know me, essentially to make sure I am actually good enough. But with an opening line like the one he used, he will never get to know anyone worthy. Women who respect themselves can see beyond their looks. This is the same for men. I know I am far more proud of my accomplishments and my soul than I will ever be of my appearance. I never even wore makeup until a few months ago because it just wasn’t important enough to me, and I didn’t think it should be of much importance to anyone who looked me in the face.
While I generally use this blog to write comedic anecdotes and share funny messages, today is just not a day for humor in my world. Today is a day that I feel incredibly misunderstood and under-appreciated for the good that I try to do.
This does not mean I am finished with online dating, dating in general, or comedy. All of these things have become a part of me. However, I vow to be much more conscious of the person behind the picture. If I ask that men do this for me, I will do it for them, too. Otherwise I may never find a nice man – and not a shallow boy – to bring home to the parents.