Apparently I’m Douchey

I’m insanely in love with the university I attended. I want to talk about college all the time. Just last weekend I went to a performance put on by a group from Penn and sitting among all those Penn alumni in attendance, I almost cried because I was so happy to be there.

So naturally, I mention college in my online dating profile.

I absolutely do not knock people for:

1) Having a less-than-stellar college experience (it happens!)

2) Going to a school that isn’t necessarily as “impressive” as mine. Most people don’t go to an Ivy League school. That’s totally cool. Education is education, no matter where you get it from. I just hope my suitors have been lucky enough to get it somewhere.

But on a date last week, I was somewhat shamed for the “My Summary” section of my profile. Or rather, the part where I talk about my college education. That illustrious section went a lil something like this:

Screen shot 2014-03-12 at 9.55.00 AM



The section ends with the statement, “I swear I’m not an asshole.”

And I’m not! I promise. But apparently some dudes think I’m a major douche for mentioning my Ivy League degree. Especially this one guy, who brought up my elite assholery on our date at a wine bar last week.

“I hate when girls write that they went to university at an Ivy League school on their profile,” he said.

He’s British, so his charmingly befuddled self uses the word “university” instead of “college.”

“You put that in your profile,” he continued. “That’s pretty douchey.”

I was somewhat shocked by his comment. While it may seem obnoxious to state the level of education I completed, it’s a part of me and I’m proud of it. Most suitors ask me where I went to school anyway. Or they think I’m a liar when I say I went to Penn by stating that we’re a state school with a pervy football coach. Either way, it actually makes a great filter for potential dates. Those who are impressed or apathetic are both fine by me. And those who haven’t heard of Penn probably don’t have enough of an East Coast go-getter mentality to keep up with me. Win/win?

Because I was called out for being a prick, I decided to alter my summary a bit when I got home from my date. It now reads:

Screen shot 2014-03-12 at 9.55.00 AM


When in doubt, use the word “fuck” and call things “the tits.” This makes you (me) seem way chill about things. It’s sorta like, hey, whatever, I’m kinda smart, but I don’t care that much about my big Ivy brain and I’m not gonna shove it in your face.

This  paragraph must have been written quite well because the morning after I posted it, I woke up to 10 new messages. However, they all came from men who were either too boring to say anything other than “hey :)” or too stupid to know how to write a complete sentence and spell words such as “likely” and “beach” correctly. I’m a writer and I just can’t be with someone who doesn’t know how to use proper grammar. I seriously hope they find happiness. It just won’t be with me. Because I guess I’m a teeeeeny bit douchey.

If I’m gonna date someone, they gotta at least humor me by being a little bit interested in the love I have for my university. Penn is the best place in the world (other than my bed, El Bar in Philadelphia, and Cinque Terre off the coast of Italy, in that order). I’m into it. I may grow out of it and I may not. My graduation wasn’t even a year ago, so who knows. But one thing is for certain: I’m not going to let someone make me feel embarrassed for stating a fact about myself. I went to an Ivy League university. That doesn’t define me, but it’s a part of me and my personal history, just as much as my love for dogs and my constant cravings for fancy pasta.

If that makes me a douche, so be it. Plenty of people are douches, both in the Ivy League and elsewhere. Everyone is their own flavor of douche, but we all have to test out a bunch of douches to see which one suits us best.

Sorry. That was weird.

Just because I have standards and an education doesn’t make me an asshole. And really, I’m not an asshole. Anyone with a brain who has met me can see that, whether they’re college educated or not.

Proof? Babies and dogs both love me. They have tiny pea brains but they know I’m good people. That’s good enough, right? Maybe I should add that to “My Summary.”


One response to “Apparently I’m Douchey

  1. Becca

    lol, love this post. I feel the exact same about every part of it. Penn proud!

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