Remember that time I was incredibly embarrassed that I texted “howdy” to a hot guy that I wanted to date? I don’t blame you if you’ve forgotten. I only wish I have.

Ever since that moment in my life where I hit send and immediately assumed our dating life would be over before it ever started, I’ve seen countless dudes use the same hokey greeting without shame. I was in Texas and without sleep when I sent mine. “Howdy” is kind of a thing there. But these guys have no excuse. They must actually use it in real life.

Proof:

And there are plenty more where those came from. Apparently one girl’s embarrassment is another guy’s choice of salutation.

As a side-note, “Salutations” may be a worse hello than “howdy.”

That text was the first and last time I’ve ever used the word. I think it sounds so incredibly silly and it’s hard to take someone seriously if they use that term. I think it’s fair to say that East Coast jappy Jewesses like me don’t take to the country way of talkin’.

Few greetings actually work on apps like Tinder. For me, guys who start with just “hi”, “hey”, “wassup”, and “yo” all go ignored. It’s boring and I’m not looking for small talk. Stand out or get out.

Though I’m the first to admit that those stand-out messages usually stand out in a bad way. As in, they’re insane.

Maybe there isn’t a good way to greet someone on a dating app. We should probably just communicate through a mutual right swipe followed by radio silence. Go about our days without having to be judged by our “howdy’s” and die alone.