I’ve always related particular songs to certain people in my life. Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” makes me think of my mom every time it hits my eardrums. I think of my college friend whenever I hear “Ridin’ Solo” by Jason DeRulo. Whether it’s a classic rock anthem or a song that I used to dance to while drunk in my dorm room, music has always had a direct relationship to memories for me. So naturally, this is true with my past romantic partners.
My ex-boyfriend listened to Coldplay almost exclusively during our relationship, and I haven’t been able to listen to them without feeling sad since we broke up three years ago. I realize that Coldplay makes people feel sad anyway, but this is more of a nostalgia-type sadness that creeps up and makes me want to change the song.
The same is true for Pitbull and KeSha’s “Timber”. The song sucks. I know that. But the last guy I dated introduced me to the hit about “goin’ down” and it was the first song we ever danced to together. Now, since our romance has kind of ended (has it really, though? I honestly have no idea), I need to turn off the radio every time “Timber” comes on. Which, by the way, is very often.
It’s strange that music can bring back so many memories from your past. I’m 99% sure I had my sloppy and disgusting first kiss to Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop”. I will forever think of that lacrosse player’s tongue licking my chin and his beer spilling on my hair every time that song plays. Luckily it doesn’t play often, and I’m still upset that he ruined my hair with his drunken spillage.
So…what does all this music and sadness talk have to do with online dating?
To me, it all comes down to the prevalence.
When a popular song by a radio darling reminds you of something you no longer have, it’s terribly sad. It ruins all the enjoyment of listening to Top 40 music, which is obvi meant to be mindless and fun. The same goes for perusing online dating profiles.
This is true in one way in particular.
When dating online, you will always be reminded of the men it never worked out with. Their profiles still exist, and you will come across them by accident, reminding you that they weren’t interested in you or your sparkling personality. And whenever that one guy who ignored you or ghosted you pops up in your match list, you immediately feel the loss. Even if you didn’t really care. It’s like running into someone who rejected you on the street. But on unlike on the street, you can stalk them without the dude calling the police and macing you, the creepy stalker, in the face. The songs that make you sad will come on the radio, even when they’re too old to be in rotation (This really happens. Nelly’s “Ride With Me” came on this morning) and it will remind you of things you don’t want to think about; things that didn’t work or people who didn’t want you. The profiles will come out of nowhere. The songs will force their way onto the airwaves. You will be destined to see these people and think about them all over again.
Is this the most depressing thing in the world? No. World hunger is worse. But emotions suck, and they’re especially awful when they negatively affect your day and crop up out of nowhere.
Have I ever had a time when “Green Eyes” by Coldplay came on and felt a tear run down my cheek in a totally melodramatic fashion? Yes.
Did “Timber” come on the radio this morning on my way to work and when it did, did I violently press OFF on my radio? Most definitely.
Does the rock climbing hottie who ghosted me pop up occasionally on Ok, Cupid? Oh, yeah. And does it make me feel simultaneously embarrassed, offended, and upset? Yes indeedy.
Perhaps this is an obsessive and depressing post to kick off the upcoming week. But in all truth, dating has got me down. I can’t seem to move past any of my former flames. Though I don’t want to get back together with them, it secretly offends me that they don’t want to get back together with me, either. I’m such a psycho.
So do you know any eligible bachelors in the Los Angeles area? Let me know. I was even desperate enough to ask my waitress at dinner last night. She said all the good ones live elsewhere. Maybe I should move. Also, maybe I should stop associating songs I like to people who no longer like me.
Also, as a warning to potential suitors: If a man ever ruins any song written and sung by Dave Grohl, I will literally have a fit and stop being happy for the rest of my life. DON’T TEST ME.