Last night I hung out with a bunch of Penn alums. When the topic of this blog came up, they posed a question: Do guys I go out with know that I write about this stuff? And does it affect their opinions of me?

In a quick, point-blank answer, YES.

It’s 2014. We’ve all been Googling each other for at least the past seven years. I made that number up.

Regardless, as soon as dates of mine find out my last name, I guarantee they take to the Internet to find out if I’m a registered sex offender or if I’m some sort of pariah in society. Naturally, this blog comes up in a Google search. And the lack of longevity with these dating relationship things (what even do you call a guy who you go on two dates with?) is probably to blame.

I’ve said mean things about dudes. A lot of mean things. But to be fair, they’ve said some really gross things to me. I’m sensitive! And I deserve messages that are better than this:

My most recent suitor was a charming and cute British runner who lived on the beach with his adorable dog. I enjoyed getting to know him and I believe he enjoyed getting to know me. Yet, after two dates, I never heard from him again. He found out my last name on our second date. You probably know where this is going.

I know men I’m interested in don’t like seeing me interact with other men online. Though I very rarely respond to any of the messages I receive, I understand how uncomfortable it is for them. They don’t want me to make myself seem so romantically available. I just hope they realize that these messages don’t mean anything to me and that it’s all in the name of comedy. I’m a writer and it’s what I love. It just so happens that I write about guys who say horrible things to me via online dating platforms.

This makes me sad. I don’t want to stop writing about online dating. I love doing it, my friends love reading it, and I love calling out guys who make disgusting comments about banging the shit out of me or wanting me to sit on their faces (that’s a popular one).

At this point, I’m not sure what would be more appropriate: To cease writing about dating so that I can date for real without scaring actual eligible guys away, or to continue writing and risk being alone until I stop this blog altogether.

Or maybe this blog isn’t what makes dudes drop me. Maybe I’m just not charming or funny or attractive enough. And yet, I have a strong inkling that this site has really caused the downfall of the beginnings of several potential relationships.

So in a Carrie Bradshaw-esque ending to this post, I can’t help but wonder…

Is writing about love preventing me from finding it?