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Found this in the “Other” inbox in my Facebook messages. I haven’t gotten any less single since he sent it a year and a half ago so maybe I should go for it.

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My 100th Post and the Things I’ve Learned Thus Far

This project has gone on for a few months now and thus, I feel like I should express the things I’ve learned through this weird and sad little journey. I am only telling you these things to help you. Take them as a warning if you decide to take the plunge into the online dating world. I, of course, think it gives you many more options when it comes to meeting people that you may not otherwise have come across. However, most of these people are psychos or recluses or sex fiends. But now you can go in saying you were warned.

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Facebook Suitors Freak Me Out

Have you ever checked your Facebook messages and found pronouncements of love from strangers? Or messages from people you haven’t seen or thought about in 15 years? I have.

Below are two gents who somehow found me and attempted to woo me.

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One of the weirdest things about online dating is coming across someone you know. I have an entire list of people I know on Tinder. A college friend and I chat on it for fun. Another sexy gay college friend sends me basketball and eggplant emojis over Tinder regularly (to be honest, I have no idea how homosexual him and heterosexual me matched but I’m happy we did.)

It’s also strange to match with people who have multiple mutual friends with me. In this case, James and I had several mutual Facebook friends, all of whom went to Penn. It was clear that we shared the same alma mater. Usually this is fun because it’s the chance to make a new friend. However, it was not fun this time. Because James weirded me out.

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I never answered his pleas on Tinder again because he managed to find and friend me on Facebook. This means he went through our mutual friends’ profiles and looked for me. And then he friended me. And messaged me. Having no idea who he was at the time, I asked. He told me he met me on Tinder and asked if he could get some advice from me.

I’ll admit I feel guilty about what ensued. I told him it was pretty creepy that he searched through multiple people to find my Facebook. I still think it was. It’s one thing to stalk someone privately on Google Chrome’s incognito setting. It’s another thing to do it and then let them know by friending them.

I hope James finds what he’s looking for. He’s probably a super nice guy. But in the ways of advice, all I can tell him is to be less public with the creeping.

Ok, Stupid is now on Facebook!

Like Ok, Stupid on Facebook to get all new posts in your newsfeed. You’re welcome.

Jay

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Much like Snapchat Suitor Cole, Jay was a potential lover that I’d never actually met. It all started out with a message. Then a few more. Eventually, he asked for my number and I obliged. At first glance, Jay seemed perfectly suitable as a human and more importantly as a date. He went to a great college (one that I was rudely rejected from in my senior year of high school) and he was on the swim team there. Everyone knows abs are a serious plus and make terrible men seem kind of okay. This was almost one of those situations.

Knowing that he was well educated and seemed like a nice guy, I told Jay I’d meet him for a casual dinner at a nearby Farmers Market. He insisted on picking me up at my house and taking me there, rather than meet. I thought that was pushy. I’m not trying to give out my address to any old dude. Feeling a little turned off but still attracted to his potential swimmer’s body, I did what any modern gal in the online dating game would do before giving him the go-ahead. I googled him. 

While Google yields fine results about sports accomplishments and scholarships, the ultimate prize is to find a man with a Facebook page that’s open to the public. This should be a turn-off, as only idiots have their Facebook profiles completely available to everyone with Internet access. Jay is one of those idiots, though. And this leads to why we never ended up meeting.

While doing some Facebook sleuthing (stalking sounds bad), I saw that one of my closest friends in LA was a mutual friend. Obviously I texted him and asked his thoughts on this Jay character.

His reply: “We worked together. I wasn’t the biggest fan of his. But hopefully he’s matured since I knew him.”

I knew this was my friend’s kind and considerate way of saying he’s horrible. I confirmed later when I told him that Jay was getting on my nerves with his persistent texting.

His reply: “He’s cocky AND annoying. But maybe he’s your soulmate. I can’t be responsible for making any decisions for you.”

This friend of mine will be very excited to read the following assessment of him and it may get me into trouble later, but I’m gonna say it anyway: he is almost always right. And because of that, I told Jay I was too busy for a potential relationship. I proceeded to delete his number.

This all happened in early September.

Fast forward to two days ago. I had just arrived at LAX after a long flight back from a visit home to Philadelphia. Curiously, while in flight, I’d received a text from an unfamiliar number. The conversation proceeded as follows:

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WHAT?! No one ever just comes back like that, months later. Only crazy people do that. Or desperate people. Or people who don’t realize that I am both crazy and desperate and that they should stay away from me.

While I told a lil fib to get him off my back (I’m not exactly dating someone – just currently going on dates with a guy I like), I worry this will happen again in two more months. I’m just waiting for a text asking me if this “boyfriend” of mine and I have broken up yet, and if I’d like to be picked up for dinner at the Farmers Market.

While I’ve never met Jay and don’t really plan to, I feel guilty for rejecting him. It’s true that I’m not currently looking to date anyone beyond the guy I’ve been hanging out with lately. I swear I’m not lying about that. But I guess this nagging guilt will always come with rejecting someone who doesn’t know that my friend told me he sucks and I agreed. Really, the kid’s only crime was having a mutual friend with me on social media.

Moral of the story? Keep your Facebook profiles private, guys. Otherwise it leads to a date rejection. And a post about you on my blog. 

Sorry, Jay.

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