On Love and Netflix

I can’t sleep at night. This is probably due to my inherent anxiety problem and the fact that I’ve gotten into the terrible habit of having my Netflix run as I attempt to drift off. According to my doctor, stimulation from a screen is the worst thing you can put into your brain before attempting a trip to snooze city. Whoops.

Because I always have a TV show running in the background when I’m doing something, or in the foreground when I’m not, I’ve become committed to a few particular shows. What I realized recently — as I made my nightly attempt to quiet my brain and force it into slumber — is that the way I watch television is quite similar to the way I see men.

You probably think these are about to be the ramblings of an insomniac, and they are. Still, I can’t help but notice how the way I watch particular shows mimics the way I see different individuals or groups of dudes who I’ve known in the past, or know to exist somewhere out in the world.

This might seem like a long shot but at least it gives you the chance to judge me on the types of TV shows I watch. And the kinds of men I befriend and/or date.

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NOPE. BYE.

Bye Girl

Like many cafes, bars, and strip clubs, my profile has acquired a regular visitor. Unfortunately for me, this visitor is a female. And unfortunately for her, I am straight as an arrow.

As you can see, the girl’s profile lists her as bisexual. If you ask my friends, many of them can tell you about my lamenting about being a straight female. If only I were bi, I could love so many more people. And females are so much easier to understand, if only because I am one – and a crazy one at that. But no. I think vaginas are odd contraptions that lead to creepy aliens in one’s womb. Even my gynecologist has expressed concern with my distaste for the vag. In conclusion, I’m too straight. Someone get me further onto the Kinsey Scale stat.

While I appreciate this regular visitor’s regular visits, I only wish I could tell her the truth: I think her anatomy is icky. Cool mask though. Maybe we can be friends so I can borrow it.

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