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I only date millionaire sugar daddies. Also, how tall is your hair?

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The Fastest Way To A Man’s Heart Is Through His Blood:Brain Barrier

Prepare yourselves for the best Ok, Stupid submission of all time.

A close friend of mine went on a date. During this date, he accidentally found himself on a bizarre acid trip. I can’t make this stuff up.

Ever the creative soul, this friend created an audio accompaniment to the story. Hit “play” if you dare.

 

Now, I present to you, “The Fastest Way To A Man’s Heart Is Through His Blood: Brain Barrier”, by an anonymous weirdo who is close to my heart.

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I love you, Adam!

I’m excited to announce that I have finally gotten my first heated comment on this here blog:

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My new hater Adam took major issue with a post I wrote a few weeks ago titled “Howdy”. While I was prepared to receive backlash for a site like this, I have only one thing to say: Of all the posts I’ve written, this is the one that made you so angry? Personally, I think “Howdy” was pretty tame. But I’m an idiot so what do I know?

Because I was so excited to receive this comment, I’ve decided to take a moment today to answer all of Adam’s questions (don’t be confused…despite the lack of question marks, some of these are questions…I think) and respond to his comments. So Adam, my internet love, this is for you.

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These are the search terms people use on Google that bring them to my blog. I think this is very funny.

I’m A Terrible Sexter

This is generally how sexting goes for me:

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I don’t find it sexy at all, especially when an absolute stranger wants to engage in textual acts with me.

The most intense sexting experience I’ve ever had was in the summer of 2012. I had just returned from my annual trip to Outside Lands, a music festival in San Francisco. A short and tattooed Los Angeles native somehow got a phone number out of me and proceeded to text me when I got home to LA, where I was spending the summer before my senior year at Penn.

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IMG_6668IMG_6680A dramatic end to our one-sided conversation.

Chin Win

I decided to try a little experiment on my Ok Cupid profile this month. While the majority of ladies use their most flattering selfies or head shots as their primary photo, I decided to go against the grain. I wanted to dive deep into the trenches and see what would happen if I put up a picture that defines myself more from the inside than the outside. I wanted a photo that depicted how I really feel and act, rather than how I look with some great makeup and a flattering pose. I wanted to be real (ish). So I made this my new profile picture:

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Boosted

Last night something weird happened.

I was doing my usual profile check, hoping for to find either ridiculously romantic or ridiculously hilarious messages in my Ok Cupid inbox. When I got to the site, a little window popped up asking if I wanted a “Free 15-Minute Boost.”

A…what?

Of course I clicked “yes” because I’ll take anything if it’s free.

Suddenly a ticker appeared on the side of my screen with a 15-minute countdown. It was telling me how many suitable (or unsuitable) men were viewing a link to my profile. It looked a lil something like this:

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