Screen shot 2014-08-29 at 3.34.17 PM

corduroy pillow

I chuckled. I admit it.

scientist joke

Sigh…

 

jessica alba

Well, at least it started off nicely.

girls dont fart

I’m guessing this guy hasn’t ever googled “Brazilian fart porn”.

Remember that time I used this photo as my profile picture and was subsequently one of the most popular people on Ok, Cupid?

1531717_2840745332929_597442366_n

Well I forgot about one¬†guy’s message in response to this very accurate photograph of me.

shallow hal gag

I now aspire to 1) be a “really advanced user” of the site and 2) find someone who eats only pets. Wish me luck on this quest!

 

tinder sparksSigh.

Screen shot 2014-03-12 at 10.06.23 PM

These guys both looked at my profile yesterday. They might want to date, but I would prefer not to.

(Literary humor, you are a beautiful thing.)

good looking babiesThank god I can’t be impregnated via iPhone.

 

quack addict

Too late, already judged.

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