Screen Shot 2015-10-19 at 8.20.47 PM

Only the good die young and skinny, but the best die old, fat, and happy.

Screen Shot 2015-06-16 at 7.18.26 PM

I feel like you answered your own question.

philly sex

What does this mean?

philly sucks

Bye.

we all penn penn

Well, we don’t ALL “Penn Penn” #9.9PercentAcceptanceRate

mischa girl

I have absolutely no idea how I managed to match with a female but perhaps it’s a sign that I should try switching sides, since the whole heterosexual thing isn’t really working for me. Do you guys think Mischa is a good choice?

The Fastest Way To A Man’s Heart Is Through His Blood:Brain Barrier

Prepare yourselves for the best Ok, Stupid submission of all time.

A close friend of mine went on a date. During this date, he accidentally found himself on a bizarre acid trip. I can’t make this stuff up.

Ever the creative soul, this friend created an audio accompaniment to the story. Hit “play” if you dare.

 

Now, I present to you, “The Fastest Way To A Man’s Heart Is Through His Blood: Brain Barrier”, by an anonymous weirdo who is close to my heart.

Continue reading

Are You There, Bullies? It’s Me, Kelly

I came to a realization this week.

After reading this article, I’ve come to believe that my status as a late bloomer is the result of my years of being bullied during my formative years. I’m up to speed now in that department, but back then? Forget it. I was lucky if a guy wanted to be my partner during science lab.

My awkward self at age 16:

226578_1020738673900_3870_n

When I look back on my time in high school, I see a girl who couldn’t understand why not one guy was interested in her. While most of my friends had relationships during these formative years, I was forever the singleton. I was the girl who couldn’t get a date to prom — I went stag to both of them — and I was the girl who tried to be content hanging with the single ladies every weekend while the rest of my friends spent time with their pre-pubescent boyfriends.

I swear the guys I went to high school with aged far more slowly than their public school counterparts. No muscles or facial hair to speak of, as far as I know.

So I suppose my main question is, did my time as the victim of high school bullies make me into the late bloomer I am?

Continue reading

IMG_6668IMG_6680A dramatic end to our one-sided conversation.

Screen shot 2014-03-12 at 10.06.23 PM

These guys both looked at my profile yesterday. They might want to date, but I would prefer not to.

(Literary humor, you are a beautiful thing.)

Archives

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,836 other followers

Follow me on Twitter