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Only the good die young and skinny, but the best die old, fat, and happy.

philly sex

What does this mean?

philly sucks

Bye.

we all penn penn

Well, we don’t ALL “Penn Penn” #9.9PercentAcceptanceRate

mischa girl

I have absolutely no idea how I managed to match with a female but perhaps it’s a sign that I should try switching sides, since the whole heterosexual thing isn’t really working for me. Do you guys think Mischa is a good choice?

The Fastest Way To A Man’s Heart Is Through His Blood:Brain Barrier

Prepare yourselves for the best Ok, Stupid submission of all time.

A close friend of mine went on a date. During this date, he accidentally found himself on a bizarre acid trip. I can’t make this stuff up.

Ever the creative soul, this friend created an audio accompaniment to the story. Hit “play” if you dare.

 

Now, I present to you, “The Fastest Way To A Man’s Heart Is Through His Blood: Brain Barrier”, by an anonymous weirdo who is close to my heart.

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Are You There, Bullies? It’s Me, Kelly

I came to a realization this week.

After reading this article, I’ve come to believe that my status as a late bloomer is the result of my years of being bullied during my formative years. I’m up to speed now in that department, but back then? Forget it. I was lucky if a guy wanted to be my partner during science lab.

My awkward self at age 16:

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When I look back on my time in high school, I see a girl who couldn’t understand why not one guy was interested in her. While most of my friends had relationships during these formative years, I was forever the singleton. I was the girl who couldn’t get a date to prom — I went stag to both of them — and I was the girl who tried to be content hanging with the single ladies every weekend while the rest of my friends spent time with their pre-pubescent boyfriends.

I swear the guys I went to high school with aged far more slowly than their public school counterparts. No muscles or facial hair to speak of, as far as I know.

So I suppose my main question is, did my time as the victim of high school bullies make me into the late bloomer I am?

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IMG_6668IMG_6680A dramatic end to our one-sided conversation.

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These guys both looked at my profile yesterday. They might want to date, but I would prefer not to.

(Literary humor, you are a beautiful thing.)

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Didn’t know one could look dick-deficient.

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