My 100th Post and the Things I’ve Learned Thus Far

This project has gone on for a few months now and thus, I feel like I should express the things I’ve learned through this weird and sad little journey. I am only telling you these things to help you. Take them as a warning if you decide to take the plunge into the online dating world. I, of course, think it gives you many more options when it comes to meeting people that you may not otherwise have come across. However, most of these people are psychos or recluses or sex fiends. But now you can go in saying you were warned.

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The Art of the Profile

Let’s be honest here: I first moved to LA in July 2013 and at that point, never in my entire life had I been on a “real” date. Despite one longterm relationship during college and a handful of messy hook-ups, no one had ever bothered to ask me out and tell me I’m pretty. So when I moved to the golden coast, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I’d go on some dates with some real-life men and I’d maybe like it. And if I didn’t like it, I’d buy a goldfish to keep me company in my spinsterhood. 

When it came to making my profile, I decided to go with a classic approach. That is, I’d be myself but not TOO much of myself. Because I am crazy and no one needed to know that. It had to be funny but not too offensive and genuine but not too nice. Because I am not a nice person. This, however, was the easy part. I was always a writer and I’m very self-centered so I was always a writer who wrote about myself. The complicated part of creating an online dating profile is selecting the perfect photo. 

Photos are all about two things: show men that 1) you’re cute and 2) fit. That’s really all they seem to care about. I just had to prove to these online prowlers that I don’t look like the offspring of Snooki and Fat Albert. Luckily I don’t. At least on a good day. Below are the photos I included in my profile.

Caption: “Ugh, selfies. But seriously it was an amazing hair day.”

Caption: “This isn’t even my dog. And I’m not even a USC fan.”

Caption: “Madrid, te amo”

Great captions, am I right? And thus, the journey began.

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